Everyone feels romanced in different ways. For some it’s a special trip. For others it’s a simple card. It’s interesting, for instance, that Valentine’s Day is supposed to be all about flowers and chocolate. Trust me, there are plenty of women who do not want either of those two items at all. So are they just supposed to do without? Is sexy lingere their only other choice? And who is that really for? Them or their spouse?
And what about the men? Are they not to be included in the receiving of romantic gestures? Of course they are! I suspect that traditionally men were supposed to be wooing the women so the gestures came primarily from them. But men like attention too and they should get it!
There are some very very important things to be taken into consideration when making a successful romantic gesture. Keep in mind, successful does not mean you ‘closed the deal’. Successful means you and your partner have engaged in a romantic exchange that has deepened your love and affection for one another.
Attend to your partner’s love language. Everyone feels loved differently. There are plenty of books now which can help you identify your’s and your partner’s love language. If your partner feels loved by words of affection then give him/her those as part of your romantic gesture. Don’t make your partner an elaborate meal if affection is what feeds his heart. Food is not the way to every man’s heart.
Be genuine. While stepping out of character can be very good (especially to spice it up a bit) moving too far away from who you really are may not appear genuine. For instance, if my husband were to write me poetry I might have a bit of trouble taking him seriously. It is so far out of character for him it wouldn’t feel genuine.
Listen to What Your Partner Has Been Saying (even if it doesn’t make sense to you). We, especially women, rarely ask for something we don’t want. Even if we tell you we’d feel romanced if you’d help with the dishes we actually mean it. If your partner has been asking for something and you have been ignoring it because it doesn’t make any sense to you, it’s time to listen. You’ll score major points!
Be thoughtful. Yes it’s easy to walk into the flower store and buy flowers and a card. But how much thought was put into that. Does your wife want flowers? Ladies it’s also easy to buy him the funny boxers with the hearts. Does he wear boxers? And, was that the type of gesture which will make him believe you were truly thinking about him when you bought them? Think about your partner long and hard before you pull the trigger.
Turn off your phone. It’s hard to imagine I even have to list this one. However, men and women complain on a regular basis about their spouse reading texts and taking calls during a night out. Many times while they’re complaining they are making excuses at the same time… ‘but his job is real important’, ‘but she worries about the weather’… Make a point to turn off the phone and pay extra attention to your beloved while you spend some romantic time together.
Give what would make you happy. I am a book fanatic. My husband is not a reader at all. I would love to get a book as a gift. However, I have to be careful not to confuse what I want for something that would make him happy. I hate to bring this up, but many women complain when men give them lingere. They feel it’s actually for their husband’s enjoyment not theirs. They don’t mind wearing it but they feel the men enjoy it more than they do. When buying the gift or making the gesture make sure to ask yourself if the choice is truly for them or is it something you would enjoy?
Sabotage Yourself. Okay so there are some people who are a little challenged when it comes to romantic gestures of any kind. If you happen to be with one of those, you have only two options. The perfect scenario, of course, is that your spouse would be able to come up with the perfect gesture to romance you and you would love it. We’re assuming that’s not an option. So the remaining options are 1) You ask for exactly what you want (and get it) and only have a little disappointment because you had to ask or 2) You don’t ask for what you want and get really mad about it. Number one seems like the better of the two to me but you have to decide for yourself.
Don’t wait till the last minute. Don’t wait until the last minute. It shows!!!
Fight social conformity. Okay I get it! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women (mostly) tell me that their husbands won’t do anything for a specific holiday because they refuse to let society tell them when and what they have to do for their spouse. That’s fine. HOWEVER, they also tell their spouse that they will perform romantic gestures at other times and DON’T. That’s where the disappointment comes. Try to remember what it’s like for your spouse to be surrounded by every other person in the office who has received a promise of a romantic interlude or a romantic gift as a gesture of love from their partner. Now think of how your partner may feel knowing that not conforming socially was more important to you than making them feel loved like everyone else. Not only that, they also know that it would not be coming any other day of the year. Sometimes consider that you’re not conforming, you’re just considering the person you love!
Use the Do’s and Don’ts listed above to ensure your romantic exchange enhances your love and commitment to one another!!!